Getting dressed postpartum (or anytime after your body has changed)
Dressing for the body you have now, not the one you may or may not have later
This is a collaborative piece written with
who writes No One Asked, But!. It’s been in the works for a long time, and we’re so excited to finally put this out into the world and share it with you!This is part 1 in a series about getting dressed postpartum (or really, anytime after your body has changed, or you’re not feeling like yourself). In it, we share outfit inspiration for some of the occasions you might be getting dressed for, and we discuss:
1: The relatability of having hard moments with clothes when you’re postpartum
2: Small Ways to Feel Like Yourself Again
3: Making time to get dressed, (even when it feels like there is no time!)
P.S. This post is too long for email so click through to Substack to read it in full.
Tory: Christina, I’m so excited to collaborate on this post - I have followed you for a while and love your clothing inspiration and reminder how clothes can shift your entire day! Your pregnancy and postpartum posts (here and here) were pivotal during these seasons for myself. I can’t tell you how many times I referenced them. Can you share with my audience a little bit more about yourself?
Christina: I am so excited that we’re doing this too! It’s been in the works for awhile - just waiting for the right moment! I am a mom of three, I work full-time in biotech, and I love love love clothes and style and getting dressed. I believe very strongly that an outfit that you love and feel good in can completely set the tone for your day, and is so connected to how we feel as we interact with others and the world. I write a substack about this, and share a lot of what I’m wearing on instagram.
The relatability of having hard moments with clothes when you’re postpartum
Tory: I reached out to you about creating this piece when I saw over on your Substack chats someone asking about how to navigate clothing after having their third baby and feeling pretty shitty around body image. I can totally relate personally and professionally, as an anti-diet dietitian and body image coach (Tory Stroker Nutrition) who works with women in the thick of healing their relationship with food and their body. And personally, I’m postpartum with my second child and have had a lot of hard moments with clothes. Relatable?
Christina: 1000% relatable. Definitely been there. Postpartum is tough - dealing with a changed body is so hard (and of course there are a million other things you’re dealing with in addition to that!). After my first baby, I found this to be completely shocking - cute maternity things I had literally worn into the hospital mere hours before now looked and felt weird and off.
Tory: Isn’t that wild? It’s like whiplash.
I feel like we just crave feeling like ourselves so much postpartum. To be honest, I have felt like this too (see this post from PP #1). I think coming to terms with our bodies being different can hold so much grief and it is so important to sit in that. And to be given PERMISSION to do so. We can’t just jump to the reframe of “but look what your body gave you” without holding space for and letting ourselves feel that.
It is really so so hard feeling unrecognizable in the mirror. Also, pregnant bodies for the most part are so celebrated in our country (especially if thin privilege is on the table) and then once you’re postpartum there is this social belief/expectation that you shouldn’t look pregnant anymore and immediately “bounce back” to your pre-pregnancy body. And that is just not rooted in REALITY for so many. Your body may never look like your pre-pregnancy body, and that is OKAY and NORMAL.
Small Ways to Feel Like Yourself Again
It sucks not feeling like ourselves AND when you’re ready, there are things you can do TODAY to feel more like you that don’t involve changing your body. A few tangible ideas - ask yourself, “What are the things that make you feel like yourself?”
For me, this looks like:
moving my body in ways that just feel good (like
platform, Range or platform, The Sculpt Society)connecting with my creative side through painting or crafting or writing
going for a coffee date with a friend or solo
collaborating with another creative (hey,
)being with my cookbook club (see here)
attending a virtual cooking class with
or doing something active and new with my husband, like playing tennis…
Christina: These ideas are amazing. I have walked so much every time I’ve been in the early postpartum/newborn days. My mantra is basically – Feeling weird? Get outside! Bonus points if I could do it either with a friend or while listening to a great (happy! Love-story! Nothing dark or sensitive!) audiobook on my headphones!
And also – getting out of grubby clothes. This might not happen right away - there is a core part of postpartum that is above just being in the newborn bubble and letting yourself recover and bond with your baby in comfy pjs or sweats. AND, but, when you feel up for it - putting on a real outfit, that you took the time to pick out, that feels good on your body, that makes you feel like an actual person who deserves to take time (even if it’s just a few minutes!) to get ready and take care of themselves and put some care into their appearance – feels really unbelievable.
Tory: Let’s talk more about this, because it’s easy to feel like you have no time to get dressed, and that nothing fits or looks good or fits the way you want it to – can you talk a little about how you navigate this?
Christina: First of all, I think it is a universal truth of postpartum – we are all going to feel like nothing fits or looks good.
Tory: AMEN! Thank you for saying that because I have felt so alone in this.
Christina: Like you said, Tory – it’s okay for us to acknowledge it and let ourselves think that it sucks!
We are also so conditioned to this idea that getting dressed, or “good outfits” or “looking good” is about showing off how small your body is, or making sure that you are wearing something “flattering.” I get asked questions about this all the time – “what’s the right style to make me look good?” And there is nothing wrong with this question - I always have tips, and it is factual that certain styles are more visually appealing when worn in certain ways or shapes or combinations. AND we need to be more comfortable starting with – “How does this make me feel?” And, “Is this a visually interesting outfit?” Whether or not something looks good is way more about how you are combining color, proportions, and the vibe or style of a piece than it is with how it makes your body appear.
My middle daughter is very particular about her clothes, and has shown a real interest in what she wears. When she gets dressed and tries things on, the first thing I ask her is – “how do you feel in this outfit?” Depending on her answer, I might prompt her with “Do you feel like you can do everything you want to do today in this outfit (like the monkey bars, art, run around, play with friends, etc.)?” My hope is that by focusing on how she feels (vs. saying, “You look beautiful” or “you look so pretty” that I might teach her that she’s getting dressed to feel like herself, and not to look a certain way for anyone else.
Tory: Oh my gosh I loveeee this example so much. I feel like every woman could take a page out of this book when getting dressed. Functional needs are so important as a mom (and could be different than before motherhood!) and a huge change in priorities getting dressed. Being able to get on the floor and be comfortable may be a huge priority now more than it ever was. Do the clothes I’m wearing fit the needs of my life today?
Christina: What else do you tell clients when they are struggling with their body? What are some things that anyone who is feeling just like their body is not their own, or that they don’t feel like themselves in their body can do from a mental perspective?
Tory: Here are a few of my initial thoughts:
It’s 100% OKAY not to like your body right now. Like, that’s okay and real and valid.
Considering even in your smallest of bodies - did you like your body then? This can be a helpful perspective if you’re hard on your body now AND also were then, that maybe it’s not really about your body and instead about your beliefs/mindset.
Recognizing as much as the impulse is REAL, a new wardrobe isn’t going to make you magically like your body.
We still need stuff to wear and if you need to buy new items, figure out “is shopping in person or online less distressful for me?” For me and a lot of my clients, as popular as shopping online is - it’s just not great when you’re feeling vulnerable in your body. The whole looking at images of women who are 6’ and very very thin, trying to figure out what size am I even now?!, looking at sizing charts, ordering, trying stuff on and it not fitting, having to return it blah blah blah is a very long winded body shitty moment to sit with - and for most of my clients, they spiral in this. Instead, actually going in store and being able to try on a lot of sizes and leaving with what you want can be much less distressful for body image. It definitely doesn’t mean in-person shopping wont have hard parts - but overall - it may be slightly less hard. We get to choose which hard we want.
Christina: Okay - so, we let ourselves sit in the suck, and we know that there are some things in our closet that are just not going to work (PS: another writer on Substack posted this note that I thought was SO AMAZING, and I think we should all do this – ) - so I think everyone should take Rachel’s advice (get everything that doesn’t fit out of sight whether in bins to hold onto or donate!), and then, you’re going to remember that you don’t actually need that many things to wear! Not everything in your closet is going to fit - who cares! You can find 5-6 outfits and wear them on repeat! Let’s call it the postpartum uniform. (more to come on this in Part 2!)
This helps us address two things – number one, the urge to have a FULL closet of stuff that fits (this is unrealistic, and not within most people’s budgets!) and two - it actually makes getting dressed FASTER.
And next (before we even get to the topic of what to wear, and how to create a few “uniforms” that make it easy and fun to get dressed), we need to talk about the idea (I know we all have it!) that we don’t have any time to get dressed or get ready.
We don’t have time like we did pre-kids, yes, 100%. Is it more complicated to find the time – yes, 100%. But I think we should all shift our mindset to “I need to find 10 minutes” to take care of myself in this way.
Making time to get dressed, (even when it feels like there is no time!)
Here are some ideas to “find the time”:
Can you and your partner trade off for 20 minutes each in the morning to have some time to get ready?
Can you take a few minutes during your baby’s first nap of the day?
Can you get up 20 minutes before your kids (or even 10 and get halfway ready before they are up?)
Can you put your baby in a bouncer or in a playpen in your bathroom while you get ready?
Can you let your kids play in your closet while you get ready?
Can you bring your toiletries into their bedroom or playroom or bathroom and get ready together?
Can you put the tv on for 10 minutes while you get ready? Ms. Rachel - you’re my girl!
Note: While both of us have experienced body image distress postpartum, we benefit from unearned privileges living in straight-sized bodies. While the distress is real and valid, it is important to note that we do not face the added challenges that come with living in a marginalized body when it comes to clothing.
Stay tuned for Part 2 for the checklist of how to build your PP uniform wardrobe that will have longevity beyond the first year (bc let’s be honest PP lasts way more than 6 weeks) - shopping lists, mixing and matching, and visual ideas!
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Obsessed with this post!!!! Xoxo